The Last We Heard of Bernard

The last we heard of BERNARD he refused press interviews on the grounds of perjury. Reporters, according to BERNARD, were poorly paid character assassins that smoke too much and moonlight as gay escorts or super heroes or perhaps both. He wasn’t making a lot of sense. He had seen something inside the MANSION that had changed him. I think he felt burned by DAVE what with him joining the GREEN TENTACLE’s band. After BERNARD refused the press interviews he told us about the HAMSTER. He kept saying the HAMSTER made him do it. And when I asked him what the HAMSTER made him do. He just looked at me. MICHAEL and DAVE both seem ok. The funny thing is they saw the worst of it. BERNARD just fixed the RADIO with the RADIO TUBE and then worked out on the HUNK-O-MATIC. He didn’t have a single run in with NURSE EDNA or DR. FRED. MICHAEL said he gave BERNARD that HAMSTER because DAVE kept talking about putting it in the MICROWAVE. But, I guess BERNARD knows better. The last thing he said before he walked away was “WEIRD ED is… weird, you know.� And I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, its just too bad he had to spend so much time alone with WEIRD ED. SYD says he sees BERNARD from time to time down at PLANETARIUM. SYD says BERNARD has totally given up on economics. BERNARD thinks the TENTACLES are out there… that they might already control the entire music business. He refuses to listen to anything other than PETER, PAUL, AND MARY. SYD says he feels bad for BERNARD. He still thinks he should have gone in BERNARD’s place. SYD made the mistake of saying that to BERNARD once. BERNARD went ballistic. He kept on screaming, “Who would have put the RADIO TUBE in the RADIO?� Someone told me BERNARD rigged up this RED BUTTON in his apartment. He sits around most nights in front of the RED BUTTON pretending he has the power to blow up the planet. I heard the RED BUTTON is just wired to a ROTATING TIE RACK but don’t tell BERNARD that. It’s kind of weird you know. It makes you wonder what really happened behind closed doors up at MANIAC MANSION.